A Little Less Rockin' Please

When I was studying to be a teacher, one of my friends asked how I was going to teach spelling in a misspelled world, "You know, like Dunkin' Donuts?"  That question was asked well before the Internet was widely used, before Facebook, before blogging, and way before texting.

Truth be told, I remember her question each time I need to write doughnut and find I have to stop to think of the right way to spell it.  No wonder so many folks are spelling challenged.

I am far from always grammatically correct.  I make typos and spelling errors all the time.  But there are still a few intentionally misspelled words and goofy phrases out there that drive me a little nuts.  I wish my friends (those over 35) would stop using them in writing (unless you are writing a fiction piece in which your aim is to create a dialect). I wish I'd stop using a particular one in speech.  I wish!

They include:

kewl (cool)

guhfriend (girlfriend--and there are other misspellings)

cray cray (crazy)

adorbz (adorable)

conversate (chat)

"love me some..."  (I love)

LOLZ  (shouldn't it be LzOL for laughs out loud?)

lightening (when one means lightning)

rock (as in, "I really rock my red heels.")

sista (sister)

mutha (mother)

awsum (awesome)
ahsum (see parenthesis above)
like (spoken, it would seem, instead of um--I am guilty of this too)
"I know, right?"  (spoken)
prolly (probably)
spose ta (supposed to)

True, I am a hypocrite as I am like a lazy speaker.  True, I went from my written peeves to my spoken peeves in the above list (I'm guilty of a lack of continuity). Feel free to, color me cantankerous.  Oh wait, that's not a color, I'll have to get the Cray Crayola people on that (see what I did there?)  Tell me I'm a curmudgeon, and I will agree.  Yes, slang happens, and sometimes it sticks.  I get that "groovy," was a made up word that caught on.  I've gotten used to, but still don't like, "ginormous."  (Arrggghhh, spell check didn't even underline that one.)  I've been accused of only caring about this kind of thing because I am a teacher, but that's not true!

Help me feel less alone.  Share your word peeves, would you?   And if you, like me, use some of these, please don't be offended.  I'm just venting, I'm not "hating."

Disclaimer:  If you use such terms, I will not unfriend you, stop speaking to you, or mock you.  Please avoid doing any of those things to me.  Thank you.

Distanced

I am unsure what's happening, but I've been feeling this great divide from my family.  Being that I'm experiencing only what I can best describe as an alone-on-my-own-island feeling, I'm not sure what to do to get back home.

I think this is why I'm haven't been blogging. 

While I'm having a hard but so very good school year, I am feeling disconnected from so much of what used to be my world.

Friendships are good.  Marriage is good.  Mac is away, but we're good.   But my siblings are shadows; niece and nephews seem far from me.  How did this happen?  Why do I feel so far from so much of my family? 

The only person to blame is me. 

A number of years ago, one of my aunts was upset with me (understandably), and she pretty much cut off all communication with me.  She promised me she wouldn't let anyone in the family know, but in time, since she's the matriarch, I lost touch with all my cousins, aunts and uncles.  I know my becoming a Christ Follower was an issue too.  I come from a mostly Catholic or non-practicing family, and I like to question and talk about faith, and this was not popular.  So I became unpopular. 

All my fault.

About that aunt, one of my friends asked, "Would you be friends with her if you weren't related?"  As good of a person as she is--kind, thoughtful, and giving, I had to answer no.  We didn't have anything in common besides our blood. Some would say that was enough, but apparently it's not. I have only seen her three times in six years--and those times were duty calls, things I believe she did because she felt she was representing my mom.  I love her, and always will, but it doesn't seem she'll ever be part of my life again.

Still, I had my brothers, my sister-in-law, and, on occasion when she allowed a portion, my sister.

Then sister's problems deepened.  For a while, the rest of us would band together as our concern and our inability to help her drew us closer.  But that didn't last, and I the last time I sat with my family, I felt lonely.  I didn't fit.  My language was different. I felt great anxiety.  I experienced growing pains that caused a slamming awareness of a profound loss.  When I made an attempt to describe what I was experiencing to them, I did so inadequately and I was not understood.

I deepened a divide I alone created.

Again, all my fault.

I love my brothers and sister-in-law with such a big part of my heart.  I miss my creative, annoying, always late, prettier than me sister.  I hate the illness that has removed her from our lives--the only part of this story that I can not take responsibility for.

I know this is a rambling post; I could continue in this vein but I won't.  I just don't know what to do.  As I typed that statement, that want for action, I realize that I haven't prayed--not once--about this.  There is my do.  If anything comes from me putting this "out there," it's the reminder, God's voice as I type telling me, to bring it to Him.

"Hello God.  Help me change.  Deepen the hurt if it leads me to a place where connections are strengthened and all is forgiven.  I need you here, I cannot do this alone.  Amen."

The Perfect Opportunity

The house is empty.  Mac is long moved and Brad is out.  Shhhh. It's so quiet, I savor it but almost cannot stand it.  It's hard to remember when I was single and so much of my time was spent this way.

It should be the perfect time to blog.

So I sit here reflecting on my week.  As always, it was full.  As always, I came home exhausted each night.  Earlier in the week, I came home to a guest, my husband's younger son.  He stopped through on business, and we dined together.  Then I left him and his dad to talk, they don't see each other much, they didn't need me there.

As I moved from the basement to the upstairs after exercising, I did hear one thing that gave me pause.  His son, always a Christ Follower as far as I know, said he had never read the whole Bible.    Eight years ago right about now, I was getting going on just that.

You see, I started going to church the previous November ('04) and I was seriously thinking about getting baptized (wound up doing so February 16, 2005).  I wanted to see what IT was ALL about.  I knew what my heart was telling me to do, but my brain wanted more learning.

Looking back now, I can't remember where I was at this point or how long it took me to get into it, I do know I have a box of printed emails from a teaching pastor patiently answering so many questions.  I still have all the teacher aids--mini posters--I bought to help me understand what I could. I remember being really, really angry when I read Moses didn't make it to the Promised Land. I do clearly remember seeing Jesus full on in the Old Testament and how thrilled I was with each glimpse (aka prophecy).  I recall still reading into the summer--lounging on the Balcony with my Quest.

But then, at some point, I got bogged down (that sounds so awful) in Paul's letters, and I just stopped. I must have gotten through 2 Corinthians because when I came across 2 Corinthians 5:17, I jumped off the page and my heart sang.  But shortly after that, I gave up.

Of course, I didn't stop reading the Bible, but I stopped reading it in its order. Quit.  I've never read the whole Bible either.

Sitting here tonight, reflecting on my week and that smidgen on conversation, it occurs to me I need to remove that boggling mind weight and dive back in.  Brad had suggested I study the maps for each letter first, to get to know to whom the words were written--you know, the audience other than me.  I may.  Or I might just read a bit and then study those folks.

"May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace."  Romans 1:7

I have no doubt this will be slow going, but it will be good going nonetheless, and for that I am blessed.

photo source